Faith under Fire
I have been struggling with a heartache that dates back over the last twenty years and the derivative anguish spinning off from it. The initial challenge of forgiveness has long passed, but the remaining results are a constant drain on the spirit. I am tempted often with “How long…" and “Why,” only to resolve them in the pages of the scriptures and through prayer again and again. I am reminded of Joseph Smith in Liberty Jail and how his torture was to be viewed as “But a small moment…” I always come away with the strength to endure but a little longer.
Abraham found his life slipping into old age with his blessings yet to be fulfilled and “hoping against hope.” He still had faith in the realization of those gifts the Lord had decreed would be his. It strains upon the seams of faith to wait upon the Lord and His “good time.” Tevya in “The Fiddler on the Roof” gently chides the Lord that “NOW would be a good time.” “Hope deferred maketh the heart sick.” Small moments and hopeless years blend into one when considered by Time Eternal.
Still we are left to plead in patience that our heartfelt, worthy longings will come to a soul satisfying resolution.
My granddaughter has a lifetime disability. Her parents work through the day with the ease borne of experience and love in her service. Their hope for her is measured by the medical and social advances of the day. It is not a longing for her miraculous cure or a release from their responsibility. It is a plea for the ability to manage her needs and the needs of their other children with grace, patience and optimism. She is a blessing in our family and has given each of them a strength of character that can only come of that specific challenge. Being a sibling of a challenged child makes you a champion of all underprivileged individuals. Your maturity level exceeds your years and compassion is a fused attribute of your character.
It is unlikely that I could look into the mirror and see the future devoid of my trial or to trade it for another. I cannot look at my image and see who I could be having never suffered. It is good enough to wait upon the Lord and know He loves me and mine and will “in His own good time” make right the wrongs, strengthen the weak hands that hang down, and make up for all the years of sadness.